It’s been 53 days since my last post. And quite honestly that does not make me happy. In fact it makes me mad, frustrated, irritated, disappointed, annoyed – hmm how many ways can I say it? You see, when I started this blog I had a plan. Yep, a plan. And my plan did not include 53 days sans posting. My plan included a list of topics that I would write about. 23 to be exact. And within these 23 topics I could easily extract 2 to 3 posts from each leaving me with a minimum of 46 posts – almost 1 post per week for an entire year. That was the plan. I was not going to be the person who launches the blog and doesn’t keep up with it. But that’s exactly what happened. I launched my blog. I felt really good about the start and my plan and then came the slow drop off the eeeeddddggggeeee. But I got busy, right? I had to get through the holidays and birthdays and busy times at work not to mention just keeping up on the routine stuff at home. Blah.Blah.Blah. And while thinking about this one day on my commute I said to myself in my most critical, demoralizing tone, “You don’t want it badly enough because if you did, you would be doing it.” Par for the course, I began down the path of critical self-talk as I tend to do when I feel that I have failed in some way. It’s a slippery slope for me. Once it starts, the negative self-talk that is, it takes on a life of its own. It’s like the devil is on one shoulder and the angel on the other with the devil growing bigger and louder overshadowing the light and song of the angel in a matter of seconds. The angel represents all that I want and the devil is all the reasons I can’t have it.
And to add fuel to the fire (again on my commute) The Rolling Stones decided to drive the nail further just in case the devil on my shoulder wasn’t getting the job done. You can’t always get what you want. You can’t always get what you want. You can’t always get what you want…Okay, okay enough already! I get it! I can’t always get what I want…but then came the next line. But if you try sometimes well you just might find you get what you need. Huh? What the heck does that mean? Hey, I get that I need water but want wine. But is there more to it? Is there a bigger connection between our wants and needs? Is it that our wants are driven by our needs? I want to have a blog. I want to be consistent with my blog. But why? Why do I want this? What is the underlying need that is driving this want? And if I can make that connection will I stop beating myself up when I fall short? If I begin to understand how what I want is connected to what I need will I be happier and more satisfied? Perhaps. But first things first. I need to figure out exactly what it is that I want. So that will be the first step. Making a list of what I want. Do you know what you want? Do you know why you want those things? Maybe you already have a list. Maybe you need a list. Maybe your list needs to be revised. And maybe now is the time to do it. For what it’s worth.