“Hello, blog. Blog can you hear me?” she said in a gentle yet commanding way. She slapped blog on the cheek. No response. “I don’t think it’s breathing,” she said out loud but mostly to herself. She raised her head and looked around. “Is there an AED here? Quick, you get the AED.”
She proceeded with the routine she had practiced time and again. Tilt head back, open airway, start compressions, count to – shit! What was it she was supposed to count to? “Nevermind that, just start the damn compressions,” she said to herself – not out loud this time. On her knees, one hand on top of the other, with fingers interlocked she began pushing down firmly in the center of the chest just at the sternum. She remembered what the instructor said in training – “don’t worry about pushing too hard. Cracked ribs aren’t a concern at this point.” She looked at blog’s face, growing paler by the second just begging for life to be pumped back in. “Hang on, blog. Don’t give up on me.” Sweat began to build under her arms, then on her lip, her face completely hot and flush. She stopped compressions and slowly pushed air into blogs mouth…once…then twice. “Come on, blog, come on,” she said as a drip of sweat fell from her face on to blog’s. She started to count as she resumed compresssions…one, two, three. She could feel the tension build in her forearms. Her biceps and shoulders were strong, but were fatiguing as quickly as blog was fading. “This is it,” she thought. She was going to lose blog forever. A tear formed quietly, and inadvertently mixed with the beads of sweat already occupying her face. She closed her eyes. She had failed blog. She was losing blog. Blog was losing her.
Slowly, she opened her eyes through the burn of tears and sweat. “No,” she whispered to herself. “No.” She had wanted to make blog proud. She wanted blog to know just how much blog meant to her. Blog made her feel alive, witty, and smart. But most importantly, blog made her feel. Now she was losing blog. And she could feel every ounce of that loss as the weight of the compressions transferred from blog’s chest to her’s. She raised a hand to wipe the tear sweat conglomeration from her face. She raised the other hand to push the hair back from her eyes. She rocked back on her knees and looked up at the sky expecting to see the grey darkness of the prior storm. But instead she saw blue. She wiped her eyes another time and yet again. “Blue,” she thought. “Is it really blue?” Blue indeed it was highlighted by the beams of brilliant sunlight, softened by the clouds that appeared as inviting as crisp white linen in the most luxurious of hotel rooms. “Ahhhhh,” she said aloud. Had the storm really cleared? She looked down at blog to find blog’s face lighted pink with life. “Blog! Blog! Can you hear me? Blog – it’s me! I’m here! It’s me! I’m still here!” she gasped, overcome with relief and hope. “Yes, I can hear you,” replied blog. “I’m glad to see you’ve returned. I’ve missed you.”
It’s been almost a year since my last blog post. And what a year it has been. I’ve thought of my blog often but never could quite find the motivation to follow through with a post. I have some ideas why – stories that I wanted to share but wasn’t quite ready. Stories that I thought I wanted to share but have realized might be best kept to oneself.
And in this time of quiet, I’ve also learned that I love this blog. I love it because it is mine. And because I created it. So for those reasons, I choose to breathe life back into something that makes me feel alive. Something that makes me feel good. Something that makes me smile. Something that I can share. And by sharing can perhaps lift someone else.
So, what about you? What makes you smile? What makes you proud? What is it, that you need to breathe life back into in order to breathe yourself?
For what it’s worth…