The early warning signs
All lit up in my mind
It’s true you know
Some things weren’t meant to be
Until your secret’s out
It’s your worst enemy
Okay here we are – back to the truth series. Seems a bit ironic to have this topic floating around the last few weeks given the current political climate. While fitting, I’m not gonna go there – politics that is – well, at least not today…
The verse above is from one of my favorite artists, David Gray. From his song titled Mutineers. I distinctly remember hearing the song for the first time and the words in the last two lines – Until your secret’s out It’s your worst enemy – jumped right out of the speakers and lodged themselves into my brain. Until your speak your truth, it’s your truth that’s holding you captive. Seems a bit strange to interchange the words secret and truth right? Secret implies hiding, dishonesty, a wrong-doing of some sort. Truth implies goodness and authenticity and openness. But really aren’t they one in the same? Isn’t your deepest secret actually your truth?
Think of it this way, think of all the things you secretly want to do. Write the book, leave the job, ask the girl out, exercise more, drink less, leave the marriage, lose the weight – all the little conversations you have in your head with yourself everyday. All those little secrets that you share with yourself day in and day out – and perhaps with a few select, trusted others – but mostly the ones you keep to yourself. Those are the ones that hold us back. Those are the ones that are our worst enemies.
I suppose we learn early on to hide our truths when they don’t match up to family or societal norms. We express what we know to be true, who we are, what we want to be when we grow up. But it doesn’t match up to the truths of others, namely our families or the circle of community in which we were raised. And others let us know. Which leads to the sense of what we feel to be true is not right. We feel defeated, perhaps embarrassed, perhaps belittled. And so we continue on and over time learn to share less of our truths which eventually become our secrets.
A simple example; one of my truths – errr secrets, is that I want to be a writer. Like a real writer, a professional. I want to collect a paycheck for writing. And I don’t just want to be an average writer, I want to be a really good writer. A successful writer. I want to write a novel that is so successful it allows me to leave my current profession but maintain or exceed my current lifestyle. Growing up my truth wasn’t necessarily to be in the profession that I currently find myself in, but adult responsibilities kicked in and before I knew it I was working Monday through Friday putting out fires and hitting deadlines. Day after day. Week after week. Year after year. And over time my truth of wanting to be a writer has turned into a secret because of my fear of failing and not being any good and, in some ways, it has become my worst enemy.
Maybe it’s more that our truths change over time. Because who we are changes over time. Maybe at one time my truth was very much to be where I am right now. And maybe things that were meant to be at one time aren’t necessarily meant to be all along. And all we have to do is pay closer attention to the early warning signs all lit up in our minds. And recognize when our truths are changing because we are changing. And embracing those changes so they don’t become secrets. So they don’t become our worst enemies. For what it’s worth.