Last week was a long week. No, I mean a really long week. So long in fact, I woke up at 4am on Friday for God only knows why, but I’m thinking it’s because I was anxiously awaiting the last day of said long week like kids (and teachers I assume) do the last day of the school year. Nothing in particular happened or went wrong. The week was just very slow. And not slow in a good way like slow down and enjoy life – slow like every minute of every hour is dragging on for days. And it all seemed very tedious. And it got me thinking about the dragging and tedious things in life. And how sometimes, those dragging and tedious things can weigh you down and drain you of any and all energy. In all honesty, I found myself quite bored.
The good news for me here, is that I’ve gotten a little better at recognizing this as it’s in progress as opposed to when it’s too late – when I’m running on empty because I’ve allowed myself to be pulled in too many directions. I now better see when it’s happening before I get to the point of complete exhaustion. Always on to the next thing, always connected, always engaged, taking care of this, taking care of that – running ragged until I eventually hit a wall.
But last week I found my thoughts taking me one step further. Because my current pattern is to notice I’m feeling run down, so I will slow down, retreat for a day or two until I am feeling re-energized, then jump right back into it. Whatever it is. But last week in the dragging and tediousness and boredom of the tasks at hand, my thoughts turned somewhere else…what if the dragging and tediousness and boredom I was experiencing was the universe’s way of saying er shouting “Hey you! Yeah you! It’s time for a change. Something isn’t working anymore and you need to figure some stuff out. I have bigger and better plans for you so pay attention. It’s time to move. Follow me.”
So then enters the self-reflection, self-analyzing, probing, questioning what is going on with me – what is weighing me down – what is the universe or God or whoever trying to tell me? And mostly, if I can quiet my mind for just long enough, I get the answer. And I know exactly what needs to change. But then comes the tough part. The action. Now that I’ve figured out what is no longer serving me, what I’ve “outgrown” I have to do something about it. Fuck. And that can be the scariest part of it all. Because most of the time, the action requires change – sometimes big change. But it’s like once I have the answer I know there is no going back. Well, I guess I could go back, but I think that’s where we get stuck and complacent and not happy and slowly become lesser versions of ourselves. And that’s not good for anyone. That’s not why we are on this planet. We are here to the best versions of ourselves and to share those versions of ourselves with the rest of the world.
And yes, while change is indeed a scary thing, I have learned this – that once you get over that mountain – you push through the change and find yourself on the other side – you are better for it. Sometimes you might even look back and say to yourself “wow – that really was not that big of a deal” and other times you might look back and say, “that was really frickin’ hard but you know what – I survived. I made it to the other side.” And it’s on that other side of change where some pretty cool stuff starts to happen. I know because I’ve been there. And what I am now realizing is that this continues throughout life. For some reason I think I thought that it would eventually stop. That you get to a place in life – and the changing and stuff – it’s just done. Like yep – checked that off of my list – done, done, done – autopilot from here on out. But that’s not what happens. We continue to evolve and grow and have experiences and meet new people or do new things and sometimes things that once served us perfectly fine don’t serve us so perfectly fine any longer. And if we pay really close attention to our own internal communication (feelings, thoughts, physical body) – we will learn what those things are. Then with a little determination and courage we can make changes and let go of what is no longer serving us in order to make room for what is meant to be next.
A wise woman learns to listen when life speaks. And then she takes action. She lets go with gratitude and grace. She moves forward with courage and strength. Because she understands that which she is letting go of was, at one time, the scary change that was in front of her. For what it’s worth.